To observe confidentiality and safeguard the privacy of all patients, our practice does NOT accept insurance or payments from any third-party payor.

Become the Best Man, Father, Husband, and More. Eliminate All Barriers, Conquer Challenges, and Gain Full Mastery of Your Life.
Happy Relationship Photo

How Understanding the Three Attachment Styles Can Help You Navigate Healthy Relationships

Do you find that your romantic relationships fall into predictable patterns, with familiar issues plaguing each one?

Perhaps jealousy, power struggles, fear of losing independence, or inability to stand up for yourself are themes that emerge year after year with different partners. Maybe one or more of these themes is an unchangeable reality in a marriage or long-term relationship. If so, you may benefit from learning a bit about the three different “attachment styles” that shape our personalities and guide how we conduct ourselves in relationships. Self-awareness in your patterns of attachment can help you find the right partner, and also resolve conflicts and increase mutual understanding with your current partner.

Anxious Attached Partner

Consider this scenario: you are in a seemingly happy, stable relationship, enjoying each other’s company and tending to each other’s needs. Your partner offers daily words of affirmation, telling you they love you and want to be with you. And yet, you can’t shake the feeling that your relationship is on the precipice, that any day your partner will find someone much more suitable for them. Maybe they’ll just discover the “real” you and realize they can do better. If this is a familiar thought pattern, you may exhibit symptoms of the anxious attachment style.

People with a predominantly anxious attachment style represent about 25% of the world. They approach their relationships with worry and preoccupation, waiting by the phone and jumping to the worst conclusions when the call doesn’t arrive. They can be tremendously loyal, but also their fears can jeopardize the relationship by never allowing it to settle and exist comfortably. Partners with an anxious attachment style also often act from a place of scarcity, keeping unhappy relationships going much too long for fear of never finding another or ending up alone.

Avoidant Attachment Relationship

Now consider this scenario: you’ve just begun dating someone new, and there’s a lot of chemistry. You’ve cooked dinner together a few times and even went on a weekend trip to the mountains. Their mom is visiting town and they suggest you all go out to dinner together. You are upset and even a little angry—how could they presume that things had gotten that close and that you were even ready for a family-meeting moment?

If this is a familiar thought pattern, you may exhibit symptoms of the avoidant attachment style. People with a predominantly avoidant attachment style represent about 25% of the world as well, so it is understandable why you or your partner may be experiencing these feelings in a relationship. In extreme cases, they consider relationships to be a potential drain on their independence and will retreat at the first signs of discomfort. Another common manifestation is the quest for a perfect partner and perennial frustration with the failure of romantic prospects to live up to that ideal—when in fact the ideal is a distancing strategy. People with avoidant attachments tendencies are over-represented in the dating pool because they don’t typically find themselves in long-term relationships. 

Secure Attachment Style

The third and final attachment style requires the least analysis. Yes, attachment styles can be healthy for a relationship in some cases. People with a secure attachment style are comfortable with intimacy, view relationships as a source of strength while maintaining a solid sense of self, and can manage regular relationship conflict without feeling excessively threatened or considering break-up. We all have something to learn from the secure attachment style, and can use those lessons to find and keep love.

Relationship and Couples Treatment in Beverly Hills, Irvine, and Newport Beach

Here at Blair Wellness Group, we’re devoted to your work in building secure, loving relationships. The principles of adult attachment apply to romantic relationships, intimate friendships, and family relationships alike, and can help you learn more about your own patterns, strengths, and pitfalls. 

If you feel ready to make important changes in your life and seek psychological services, we are here to support and guide you through every step. Remember that you can’t plant a seed and expect a garden in the morning—the practice of self-care and emotional discovery requires patience, open-mindedness, and dedication. But like any practice, you will see progress and change over time, and the garden of a rewarding, fulfilling, beautiful life is achievable for everyone. If now is the time for you to take steps along that journey, give us a call or email us today  to begin getting treatment and feeling more secure in your relationships.  

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Blog

An In-Depth Look at How Addiction Affects the Brain

Many of the misconceptions about Addiction Disorders revolve around misunderstanding how addiction works. Addiction Disorders are not a matter of willpower as many people believe; they are a disease that alters the way your brain works. Addictive substances and behaviors affect the production and performance of neurotransmitters. They also alter neural pathways and have a

The Negative Effects of NPD on Relationships

Like all Personality Disorders, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) presents obstacles and challenges for your relationships. The thought patterns and behavioral patterns that stem from NPD affect one’s ego, empathy, communication, and other traits that are vital for building and maintaining healthy, balanced relationships. If you live with untreated NPD, the challenges of the disorder can

How Childhood Attachment Styles Can Impact Adulthood

Attachment styles are more than just a way to describe the dynamic between an infant and their caregiver; they are a serious Mental Health concept that influences your life experience. Your attachment style is a defining factor throughout adulthood.  Children with a secure attachment style grow into adults with healthy emotional regulation, communication skills, and

Looking for a Local Psychologist?

Our Psychologists and Therapists in Los Angeles, Beverly Hills, Irvine, Newport Beach, and the surrounding areas offer evening and weekend appointments for our Concierge patients. Contact us today to discover how Blair Wellness Group can help you overcome personal or professional challenges and mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, relationship challenges, addiction issues, and personality disorders. 

Scroll to Top

Request An Appointment

  • MM slash DD slash YYYY
  • Cancellation/Refund Policy:

    Please note, there are absolutely NO refunds for ANY of your prepaid sessions in case of broken appointments by you as the professional times and days were reserved for you and will be considered as broken appointments. We ask that you do NOT make appointments unless you fully intend to keep all your future weekly appointments as we do NOT issue refunds on ANY prepaid appointment. Please note, our practice is fully committed based on previously scheduled times for our clients at least 2 weeks in advance.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.