Why Coparenting With a Narcissist Is Extremely Challenging

Like all Mental Health Conditions, Narcissistic Personality Disorder affects more than just the individual with the disorder. It also takes a toll on relationships—particularly romantic relationships and family dynamics. Trying to raise a family with a narcissist presents unique challenges that make everyday tasks more stressful. Without intervention, these challenging behaviors and decisions can worsen into manipulation, control, and abuse, making life difficult for you and your child.  

It is not always easy to spot narcissistic behaviors in a partner. Understanding the most common signs of a narcissistic partner makes it easier to identify the issue and take action to protect yourself and your family. Learn more about why coparenting with a narcissist is extremely challenging and see what you can do to take care of yourself and your children with this overview. 

Communication Is Inconsistent and Unhelpful 

Communication problems are one of the most common challenges associated with Mental Health Disorders. In the case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the individual will view themselves as more important than others and see their family’s wants and needs as secondary.  

Additionally, narcissists tend to view vulnerability or asking for help as signs of weakness. This disorder can make individuals see communication as unimportant, which creates a strain between parents. It also makes constructive conversations difficult, which poses challenges for navigating daily routines and conflict management. When working with a narcissistic parent, it is difficult to discuss schedules, address problems that arise for the child, and resolve conflicts in a healthy, calm, and productive manner. 

The irritability, impulsivity, and poor emotional regulation of Narcissistic Personality Disorder also make communication harsher. Ordinary conversations can escalate quickly, adding to arguments and creating additional conflicts between parents. 

Poor Cooperation 

Parenting is supposed to be a team effort. In addition to communication, good parenting requires a healthy amount of cooperation. Both parties need to be dedicated, flexible, and committed to doing what is right for their child. Parenting is easier when you can both stick to agreed-upon schedules and responsibilities, step up when plans change, and be there for both the child and the other parent. 

This level of cooperative behavior clashes against the arrogance and self-centeredness of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A narcissistic parent struggles or even outright refuses to put the feelings of the child or the other parent above their own. This leads to disrespect, disregard for previous agreements, and ongoing failure to meet the child’s needs. 

Manipulating Children 

Manipulation is a core part of conflicts stemming from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Many narcissistic manipulation tactics apply easily to parent-child relationships. The narcissistic parent might try to harm your own relationship with your child through smear campaigns or by keeping you and your child apart as much as possible. Turning children against their “safe” parent is a way to gain the upper hand in a relationship. It allows the narcissistic parent to better control both their child and their partner, which makes it easier for them to get what they want. 

Ignoring Boundaries 

Ignoring or disregarding boundaries is a common part of narcissistic abuse. Narcissists have little regard for other’s feelings and do not consider how their words and actions might hurt—even when it comes to their own children. This can lead to harsh comments and inappropriate behavior.  

Moreover, narcissists do not see their behavior as problematic, so they are more likely to ignore criticism or shut down confrontations about their behaviors. They may engage in manipulative behaviors such as gaslighting. The narcissistic parent might claim that their words or actions are not that big a deal or that you or your child are overreacting. They may also blame you or your child for their poor behavior. 

Undermining or Shifting Blame 

Another common manipulation tactic that makes coparenting with a narcissist extremely challenging is undermining. The narcissistic parent will seek to discredit their partner as a way to make themselves look better or to gain the loyalty of the child or other friends and family. This can involve insulting, lying, or even framing the other parent for problems in the family. 

Undermining and shifting blame can harm your relationship with your child or discredit you as a parent in front of extended family, teachers, or other adults in your child’s life. This behavior gives the narcissistic parent a level of control and power in the relationship. It also gets in the way of you being a productive, protective figure to your child. 

Financial Manipulation and Abuse 

Financial abuse is a powerful abuse tactic that makes it even harder to gain independence and freedom in an unhealthy relationship. By controlling finances, a narcissistic parent can control their partner and keep them in the relationship.  

Financial abuse is not always obvious when it occurs. It can start early on in the relationship before any other red flags arise. For example, your partner can insist on creating a joint bank account as the relationship becomes serious. 

Over time, these seemingly harmless steps can result in your partner withholding money and controlling all finances as a way to keep you and your child under their control. In addition to preventing you from affording necessities, this also makes it hard to build credit, take ownership of assets, and gain the financial independence necessary to leave an unsafe situation. 

Child Neglect 

Neglect stems from a narcissistic parent being unwilling and unable to put their child’s needs first. This can include physical neglect, such as leaving a child to fend for themselves without providing food or other needs. It can also include forms of emotional neglect, such as leaving the child alone or being uncaring or invalidating toward their thoughts and feelings. 

Neglect from a narcissistic parent can stem from simple carelessness. However, it can also stem from something more intentional, such as the desire to establish control or hurt the other parent. 

Conflict and Stress in the Home 

As with any form of family conflict, coparenting with a narcissist can lead to instability and stress in the home. Uncertainty, emotional turmoil, manipulation, and control make for an unsafe and unhealthy environment for you and your child. Narcissistic manipulation and abuse can lead to endless arguments and stress, creating a tumultuous life for your family. Conflicts that start at home bleed into work, school, and other relationships. These experiences create stress and hardship, making it difficult to maintain a healthy, safe, and stable home environment for your child. 

Protecting Your Own Mental Health 

Dealing with a narcissistic partner takes a toll on your Mental Health. It can lead to doubt, poor self-esteem, and immense stress. It is important to take care of yourself so that you can take care of the rest of your family.  

Blair Wellness Group offers evidence-based treatment for individuals impacted by narcissistic abuse and other family conflicts. See how working with a therapist in Los Angeles, Irvine, Beverly Hills, Newport Beach, Bel Air, Century City, Brentwood, Westwood, Huntington Beach, Mission Viejo, Aliso Viejo, and the surrounding areas can help you improve your Mental Health and build a healthier family dynamic for you and your child. Contact Blair Wellness Group and start your treatment plan with a Licensed Clinical Psychologist today.