Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics You Should Know

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, is a Mental Health Disorder that involves an inflated sense of self, a need for attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Because of this, Narcissistic Personality Disorder creates a lot of unhealthy dynamics within a relationship.  

Many people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder crave control in their relationships, which means they often turn to manipulation. These manipulation tactics might be an attempt to get something they want, make themselves look better, or maintain a sense of power and importance. 

Manipulation is not always a conscious decision. Subconscious or not, however, it still creates unhealthy dynamics between the individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the people around them. Understanding the most common forms of manipulation makes it easier to identify the true source of the problem: Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Learn more about the narcissistic manipulation tactics you should know with this overview. 

Love Bombing 

Love bombing usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder might shower their new partner with love and affection. This can include buying them gifts, constantly complimenting them, and being extremely loving and romantic. This behavior often coincides with a relationship moving quickly and going through serious steps—like moving in together or even getting married—faster than normal.  

Love bombing is manipulative because it seeks to establish loyalty—and, as a result, control. It also makes it easier for the other person to doubt themselves later on in the relationship when other manipulation tactics start to arise. If your loved one says or does hurtful things after being so kind and affectionate, you are more likely to forgive them or second guess your own perception of events. 

Gaslighting 

Gaslighting involves denying the truth until the other person starts to question it as well. Many gaslighting tactics revolve around shifting blame and growing defensive in the face of confrontation. For example, if you approach your partner about something they said that hurt you, they might say, “I did not mean it like that,” or “that is not what I said,” or “you are overreacting.” These kinds of statements shift blame away from the partner and allow them to get through the confrontation without owning up to their mistakes.  

Over time, gaslighting behaviors add up and start to influence the other person’s perception of themselves and the world around them. The victim might start to feel that they are overly sensitive and as if their reactions to hurtful comments are unfounded. This is how narcissistic abuse builds and creates unhealthy communication and power dynamics in a relationship. 

Projection 

Projection is the act of transferring your own negative thoughts or feelings onto someone else. Everyone projects their thoughts or feelings from time to time, but with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, that projection can quickly become a serious obstacle for your relationship.  

The individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder might feel angry about the state of the relationship. However, instead of acknowledging those feelings for themselves, they project them onto their partner and accuse them of being constantly angry.  

Projection can extend to actions and behaviors as well. For example, an individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder might accuse their partner of infidelity after being unfaithful themselves. 

Playing Victim 

This is another common narcissistic manipulation tactic that revolves around avoiding blame. Someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder might respond to confrontation by acting as if they are the one who has been hurt. For example, they might say that the other party forced or manipulated them into causing harm.  

Projection and gaslighting feed into this tactic, making the individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder more convincing. This also makes it harder for the actual victim in the relationship to truly address what is happening. In this way, individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder garner sympathy and attention for themselves, making themselves feel better while avoiding confrontation and continuing to dominate and manipulate the relationship.  

Triangulation 

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder sometimes pull others into their relationship to unwittingly contribute to manipulation tactics. Triangulation is when someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder brings a third person into a conflict with their partner and asks them to take their side in the conflict. This happens frequently with narcissistic parents who pit their children against each other or with romantic partners who drag a mutual friend into an argument. By getting someone on their side, individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder further invalidate their victims, causing them to question themselves and feel as if they have no one to turn to. 

Smear Campaigns 

It is easier to control someone who feels like they have no one else to turn to. Isolation is a common manipulation tactic, and individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder have many ways of achieving it. Triangulation plays a role in this, especially as the individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder garners support and gets more people on their side over time.  

Other tactics include a narcissistic smear campaign, which is when someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder spreads lies about their partner in order to discredit or isolate them. This often occurs during fights or after a breakup, when the person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder turns their partner’s friends and family against them, leaving them with no support. With no one else to turn to, the victim is more likely to run back to their narcissistic partner, making them more vulnerable to future manipulation, control, and abuse. 

Hoovering 

Hoovering is like a mirror of love bombing. It occurs when someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder attempts to win back their partner with love and affection after a fight, much like how they won them over during the early stages of the relationship.  

By showering the victim with compliments, gifts, and attention, they paint themselves in a better light and make it easier for the victim to forgive them. The other person in the relationship might feel as if their partner is truly sorry or that they have changed. Alternatively, they might believe they were simply exaggerating how bad the relationship became. Hoovering makes it extremely difficult for a victim of narcissistic manipulation to free themselves of their unhealthy relationship. 

Treating Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Abuse at Blair Wellness Group 

If you are suffering from narcissistic abuse or if you are looking for treatment for your Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Irvine, Beverly Hills, Newport Beach, Bel Air, Century City, Brentwood, Westwood, Huntington Beach, Mission Viejo, Aliso Viejo, or the surrounding areas, Blair Wellness Group is here to help. With options like our teletherapy service, we make it easy to find effective, evidence-based treatment that fits your needs. Start working with a Licensed Clinical Psychologist when you contact Blair Wellness Group and see how our evidence-based treatment plans can help you.