Relationship Therapy

Many relationship conflicts stem from insecure attachment styles. Your attachment style is the result of your connection—or lack thereof—with parents or guardian figures in infancy and early childhood. An infant who can rely on its primary guardians for physical and emotional support learns how to relate to and trust others in a healthy manner. This is a secure attachment. However, if an infant cannot depend on its primary guardians for support, comfort, and protection, it develops an insecure attachment style. There are three types of insecure attachment styles: avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized attachment style. These different styles develop according to the type of insecure relationship you have with primary guardians during infancy and early childhood. 

Avoidant attachment occurs when an infant internalizes the lesson that they cannot rely on their guardians or other caregivers for support and care. This leads to the need for strict independence. Individuals with an avoidant attachment style struggle to trust others, show vulnerability, or develop physically or emotionally intimate relationships. 

Ambivalent attachment, on the other hand, occurs when the insecure guardian-infant relationship leads to an overwhelming fear of abandonment. Instead of isolating themselves from others, individuals with ambivalent attachment styles are terrified of rejection and often become clingy as a result. This creates a constant need for reassurance, care, and validation that can quickly turn into codependency. 

Disorganized attachment is a combination of the behaviors from both avoidant and ambivalent attachment styles. Individuals with a disorganized attachment style experienced inconsistent relationship with their primary guardians during infancy and early childhood. As a result, they experience a simultaneous desire and fear of emotional intimacy. Disorganized attachment leads to difficulty expressing emotions, fear of vulnerability, and intense anxiety over potential rejection or abandonment. 

Insecure attachment styles create conflict within your relationships and hinder your ability to build solid romantic relationships based on mutual trust, care, and responsibility. Adults who grew up without a secure relationship with their parents or other primary guardians do not develop certain cognitive and emotional skills that play a crucial role in the building and maintenance of healthy relationships. As a result, these individuals have low distress tolerance, poor communication skills, weakened emotional regulation, and low anger management skills. Additionally, behaviors that stem from insecure attachment styles—such as difficulty expressing emotions or a need for codependency—put your relationships at risk. These factors prevent individuals from developing emotional, mental, and psychological bonds and connections with romantic partners, leading to conflicts in marriage and other romantic relationships.