Intimacy looks different in every relationship. This means that intimacy issues can also vary vastly from couple to couple. Understanding these issues starts with understanding the underlying problems that lead to them.
Relationship problems such as poor communication or avoidance do not come from nowhere. They are the result of underlying issues that harm not just your relationship but your overall mental and emotional well-being.
Identifying and addressing the root of intimacy issues is the key to resolving conflicts and strengthening the bond between you and your partner. Learn more about the different types of intimacy, the effect intimacy issues can have on your relationship, and how you can identify and treat the underlying source of the issue.
The Different Types of Intimacy
Before you can understand how intimacy issues develop, it is important to know the different forms of intimacy and the role they play in relationships. When many people think about intimacy, they think about the close physical bond that occurs between romantic partners. However, sex, sexual attraction, and physical affection make up just one type of intimacy. While physical intimacy plays a significant role in romantic relationships, it is also important to note the significance of emotional and intellectual intimacy.
Emotional intimacy revolves around sharing personal thoughts and feelings. Expressing your innermost thoughts or confessing to your partner when you feel scared or hurt are examples of emotional intimacy.
Intellectual intimacy revolves around the sharing of ideas and perspectives. Having deep conversations, reflecting on life goals, and sharing personal values are examples of intellectual intimacy.
Every relationship is unique, and so are the forms of intimacy you experience in each relationship. However, if there are issues with one type of intimacy, those issues will likely affect the other forms of intimacy as well.
Secure Attachment in Childhood Affect Intimacy in Adulthood
Your attachment style affects your intimacy—or lack thereof—with romantic partners. Attachment style develops as a direct result of your relationship with parents or guardian figures during infancy and early childhood. It goes on to lay the foundation for all your relationships throughout life.
An insecure attachment style damages your self-image, emotional resilience, communication skills, and ability to regulate emotions. It leads to issues such as a fear of vulnerability or rejection, a strong desire for unhealthy independence, and other problems that hinder emotional, intellectual, or physical intimacy.
Mental Health Disorders Are a Risk Factor for Intimacy Issues in Adult Relationships
Mental Health Disorders are also a risk factor for intimacy issues. Conditions such as Depressive Disorders, Anxiety Disorders, Personality Disorders, Addiction Disorders, and more can cause strain in your relationship. They negatively affect communication, expression, distress tolerance, and other key skills that are necessary to build a strong and healthy bond with your partner.
Common Signs of Intimacy Issues
Intimacy influences expression, communication, and connection within a relationship. Healthy intimacy allows both you and your partner to feel secure and valuable. When there are intimacy issues, however, the bond between you becomes fragile and more likely to break.
Intimacy issues do not begin with heated arguments, though. Before the intense conflicts that put your relationship at risk, many thoughts, behaviors, and other warning signs can indicate an underlying issue.
Being able to spot the common signs of intimacy issues helps you identify and address the root of the problem. This knowledge makes it easier to seek professional intervention from a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and treat the issue before it gets worse.
Below are a few examples of thoughts or behaviors that stem from attachment issues and indicate growing intimacy issues.
Avoidance of Physical Intimacy
One of the most obvious indicators of intimacy issues—and the problem that comes to mind first for most people—is a lack of physical intimacy. If there is a problem in your connection with your romantic partner, it often presents itself as a reluctance to accept or instigate physical contact.
Physical intimacy issues can include a lack of pleasure from sexual contact or a lack of sexual desire altogether. In addition to changes in your sex life, this avoidance can also extend to any type of physical affection, such as hugging or holding hands.
Fear of Commitment
A persistent fear of commitment is also a common indicator of underlying intimacy issues. If you find yourself unable to settle down with someone or consistently shutting down relationships before they get too serious, you likely struggle with emotional or intellectual intimacy. You might struggle to let yourself be vulnerable with another person. You might also have a fear of rejection or abandonment that prevents you from opening yourself up to someone else.
Similarly, you might have a strict need for independence. Many people who experience intimacy issues fear losing themselves or their autonomy to a relationship. While independence and a strong sense of self are good things, they become unhealthy when they prevent you from connecting to others in meaningful ways.
Difficulty Communicating
Communication problems and intimacy issues go hand in hand. When you have trouble connecting with someone, you also have trouble communicating with them. You might struggle to express yourself and your emotions with your partner. Similarly, you might avoid having deep conversations, asking for help, or sharing your goals and dreams. If you are unable to discuss these things with your partner, then you cannot maintain the healthy level of emotional and intellectual intimacy necessary to build a strong, lasting relationship.
Communication is not just about expressing yourself, though. It also involves listening. If you struggle to communicate with your partner, you can leave them feeling unheard or unvalued. This disconnect creates strain in the relationship and increases the emotional distance between the two of you.
Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage—or even just the desire to sabotage—can also signify an intimacy issue. You might struggle to trust your partner or feel secure in a relationship, even if things are going well. The fear of vulnerability or eventual rejection can urge you to end a relationship before it has the chance to go wrong. This form of relationship self-sabotage prevents you from developing true intimacy with a partner, which makes it harder to create a deep connection with others in future relationships.
Treating Intimacy Issues With Blair Wellness Group
Intimacy issues do not have to spell the end of your relationship. If you are looking for a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who offers Relationship Therapy in Los Angeles, Irvine, Beverly Hills, Newport Beach, Bel Air, Century City, Brentwood, Westwood, Huntington Beach, Mission Viejo, Aliso Viejo, and the surrounding areas, contact Blair Wellness Group to see how our evidence-based treatment plans can help you.
