What Does It Mean To Be Codependent?
Codependency has traditionally been a term used to describe the relationship between a person who is abusing drugs or alcohol and the person they depend on to take care of them who enables their destructive behavior. Over the years, codependency has evolved to describe a much broader range of circumstances. For instance, it can involve any relationship in which two people become mutually dependent on one another in a way that one person perpetually receives the help they need while the other person feels satisfied in knowing that they are needed.
Although tending to the needs of others is something worthwhile and positive, when someone completely loses sight of their own needs and identity and becomes immersed in the other person’s problems, it is considered a codependent relationship. This creates an unhealthy balance within the relationship that can leave the provider feeling resentful, depressed, and unfulfilled.
Causes of Codependency
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Signs and Symptoms of Codependency
People who have codependent tendencies prioritize other people’s needs, wants, or problems over their own. Their purpose, self-esteem, and feelings of self-worth become tied to how much they feel needed by another person. In a healthy relationship, both people rely on each other for help and support, but in a codependent relationship, one person does all of the giving and the other does all of the taking. That leaves the person doing all of the giving to feel as though they have no purpose or value outside of their dysfunctional relationship.
The first step toward resolving and healing from a codependent relationship is to recognize that there is a problem. Some signs that you may be involved in a codependent relationship include:
- Needing another person to like you in order to feel good about yourself
- Putting all of your efforts into trying to “fix” someone
- Justifying another person’s poor behaviors
- Constantly apologizing for things when you have done nothing wrong
- Spending all of your time trying focusing on the needs of another person and neglecting your own needs
- Not wanting to voice your true feelings for fear that the other person will leave
- Wanting to be the sole caregiver and refusing help from others
- Living in a constant state of fear of being rejected
Complications Related to Codependency
People who are in codependent relationships may feel happy and purpose-driven at first, but over time their self-esteem will diminish and they can be left feeling exhausted, hopeless, and unfulfilled. To make matters worse, some people are coerced into the same bad habits that the person they are caring for engage in. Even if that isn’t the case, many people still struggle with things like depression and anxiety and as a result, they may resort to drugs or alcohol on their own as a way to feel better and “escape” their situation.
Besides having a higher risk of substance use disorders, those who struggle with codependency are more likely to have other co-occurring mental health conditions such as eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, and anxiety.
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